there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
