If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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