Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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