I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
