I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
