If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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