I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
