i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I haven't been this sober since birth.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
