the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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