Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
