dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
