On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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