Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Green mimosas i think yes
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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