I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
