i need an iv and a liver transplant
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
