Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
