Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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