i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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