I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
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