i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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