i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i love accidental penises.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
