She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
