turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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