dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
