I want to make a zoo with you.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
