I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
