So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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