you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Last time i carry you out of a forest
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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