just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
