So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
