I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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