bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
