thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
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I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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