You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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