The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
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There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
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Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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