I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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