He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
