Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
