Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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