Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
