fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
