Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
