Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I believe in your delicious
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
