And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
