I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
