I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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