We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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