dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
