i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
