Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
