why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My bed smells like the plague
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
