I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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