I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
