made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
