i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
