You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
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