How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
