There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
