We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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