My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
