remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
