What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
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You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
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It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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