I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
