so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize