I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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