The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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