I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
