she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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