have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
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I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
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Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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