when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize