That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
