even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
