I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
