I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
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