some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
