did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you win again, gameday.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
this is an emotional support booty call
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
