So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
