just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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