$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
