If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
