I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
